The Commodification of Fall Has Hit Rock Bottom—How Did We Get Here?

no, your mouthwash does not need a pumpkin spice makeover

Photo by Craig Pattenaude on Unsplash

If the endless jokes about “rainbow capitalism” have taught us anything, it’s that not everything needs to be part of a trend, hot topic or culturally impactful moment. Believe it or not, some things can simply just exist. No, skincare is not brat. And no, a pair of socks are not demure and mindful. Like, can we please stop?

A couple Substacks I read (Rachel Karten from Link in Bio and The Review of Beauty by Jessica DeFino) echoed these very sentiments, with one noting that if you don’t hop on a cultural or viral moment within 48 hours after it arises, it’s “actually embarrassing”—while the other said, “There’s nothing more cringe-inducing than brands jumping on a TikTok trend en masse to sell everything from tampons to mascara.” god help us all.

When Did Fall Take a (Figuratively) Dark Turn?

As we’ve entered a season that’s grown victim to consumerism even more than winter at this point, I’m dreading my inbox. As the self-proclaimed true queen of fall—who also happens to be an elder millennial—I can say I remember a fond time when the season was nothing more than brisk air, daylight savings time and two eagerly anticipated holidays. Halloween and Thanksgiving were always a big deal, but the emphasis was never on fall itself, just the specific holidays.

The Pumpkin Spice Latte technically launched at Starbucks in 2003, but I can’t put a finger on when it became the iconic ~PSL~, unleashing a gajillion scents and snacks that followed suit. Any season will have speciality drinks characteristic to the time of year, and up to a recent point, the pumpkin spice latte was nothing more than a seasonal purchase. NOT a culturally impactful moment.

I’ve never been big on trends. I’m not a trendy girl. I swear I’ll never be a cheugy girl (wait, is that word cheugy now? whatever), but I also likely won’t be a trendy girl. In fact, all the things I’ve loved from the jump have gone on to become trendy when everyone questioned my interest way before those things were cool. Among those ~obscure~ passions was fall—a quiet little transitional season that would lead us to the madness of winter. I can easily explain my love for the season. It is truly a time when I see the world from a new lens, with beautiful color and the purest of air. My head is clear, my heart is open, all the things.

Way back in 2009, I remember September rolling around and I was sipping an ice cold Apple Orchard cider at a local bar with my then-roommate. We were just chit-chatting about the beer and the weather and how much we love fall—a season I’ve connected to since my early youth. I was like, why don’t we have a few people over for ciders and cozy foods just to celebrate fall? We mulled (pun intended) over the idea, wondering if it was too abstract—but sure enough we did our fall hang. And it was fun and cozy.

That particular roommate is nothing more than a memory swept up in the changing leaves—but the tradition I started is something I’ve taken with me all these years later. I remember everyone initially asking me, what is a fall party? I was like, ummm it’s to celebrate my favorite season…? duh. While my party was initially a prime association with the season, the capitalism of the time has grown exponentially. Now, it would seem remiss not to have a fall party.

Fall Consumerism Has Reached the Point of No Return

I’m in full support of fall sweaters and other fall fashion trends, along with fall makeup, and fragrances and aromas geared toward the season. With chillier temps and darker skies, obviously the aesthetic is going to change. But where do we draw the freaking line?

I audibly gasped the other day when I caught my friend Gabi Conti’s Instagram Story about ::wait for it:: Trader Joe’s pumpkin spice chardonnay. I’m sorry, what? I replied immediately in an uproar, and she told me to stay tuned for a review. Oh, I stay tuned all right. And sure enough, she revealed that the contents of the $6.99 bottle tasted like pumpkin spice juice. I mean, chardonnay on its own is bad enough. But you really had to pull the ol’ pumpkin spice on us? She went on to say it was overpowering, and I’m guessing she won’t be reaching for it at her next dinner party.

I want to say I was shocked, but after getting a pitch last year for cans of pumpkin spice latte tequila, I’m confident there’s worse. The brand is CHIDO, and their slogan is Permanent Vacation in a Can. Maybe I missed a beat, but when I think of a pumpkin spice latte, I’m thinking of lighting my Bath & Body Works Pumpkin Pecan Waffles candle, while bundling up in my beige and orange flannel PJs. I’m not thinking about strutting along in a bikini (per the brand’s website aesthetic). I think they recognized this was a marketing flop, because the fall offering has been scrapped from the site. But if you dare, Postmates still has it listed.

Pumpkin spice everything is very much giving Hailey Bieber nails. Last year, I started posting on my IG story like once a week every time a new Hailey Bieber “nail trend” was covered by Allure or PopSugar. Maple syrup nails? You’ve got to be kidding me. Guyssss, not everything has to be a trend. I get the marketing behind it, I get the search value, but can we please cool it?

With that, I wish everyone a happy fall! I can’t believe it’s officially here. Where does the time go? I spent the first day of the magical season at Raging Waters in the Inland Empire with one of my fall besties. Not even joking, it was the best way to spend a hot September Sunday, and I can’t wait to go back at this time next year. I’m still on my raw food detox/parasite cleanse until next Sunday, which will cap out my incredible September of reseting and refreshing. I shared some cute fall decor moments on Instagram (where you should definitely follow me!), and I received the most incredible fall delivery from Bath & Body Works, which I shared on TikTok (follow me there, too!).

I also want to say thank you so much for the positive feedback on last week’s Substack about the one PR move that’s hurting you more than helping you. There’s nothing more fulfilling than feeling heard and well-received. I appreciate your words and subscriptions so very much. You all make me so excited to have finally launched this thing.

Speaking of PR….

Do you or anyone you know work with an event photo booth? How about a non-traditional fall fragrance? What about a beer, wine or spirits brand that’s open to event donations?

Ok, that’s all for now!