Pitching Sexual Wellness for Holiday Gift Guides? You May Want to Rethink Your Strategy
sex sells—but some seemingly harmless coverage requests can come off offensive and gimmicky.
**scroll to the very bottom for editorial needs and life tidbits ◡̈
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! From overpriced candles to endless advent calendars, editors anticipate the flood of gift guide pitches to come from every which angle. While yes, it’s overwhelming and often excessive, it can also be fun, too—and most editors will agree. That is, until themes of so-called “self-care” get into murky territory.
There’s already been great debate over the term “anti-aging” used in marketing and pitching (I personally don’t have a problem with it—but obviously some people do). There’s the argument that the term implies aging is something we should be ashamed of, or that if we have wrinkles or saggy skin, we should obviously want to get rid of them. Well, similarly in the sex-positive space, you’ll hear that marketing or pitching sexual wellness is often done in a shame-y or gimmicky way.
“The current conversation around sexual wellness puts down women's bodies,” sexologist, journalist and author, Suzannah Weiss (who I interviewed in a separate chat last year) told me yesterday. “Women frequently internalize the message that their bodies are problems to solve. When it comes to sex, they may have insecurities about their vulva's appearance, smell or function.”
Ever heard of spectatoring? According to Weiss, shame-based marketing can lead to this bedroom issue, which involves getting stuck in your head about how you look or the way you perform.
“You can’t enjoy pleasure when you’re in this state,” she says. “To get out of this mindset, we need to focus on improving women's enjoyment for their own sake, rather than their looks or how they please a partner. We need to stop seeing women's bodies as problems to solve.”
Weiss—who has written for Glamour, Men’s Health, PopSugar, Stylecaster and more—believes sexual wellness pitches should focus on just that: wellness.
“Sexual wellness means sexual self-confidence, the capacity for pleasure, the ability to enjoy that capacity shame-free, and in healthy relationships with partners,” she explains. “For me, the most exciting aspect of sex and pleasure products is the technological advancement and the ability to explore and experiment. Sex toys, lubes, and other pleasure products are for fun, and we lose a sense of that fun when we operate from a deficit model by framing them as ways to solve problems.”
As Weiss writes about sex and experiences candidly in her newly published, feminist-forward memoir Subjectified, she points out that the so-called “self-love” industry makes money off self-hatred. She references specific PR pitches she’s received for a “tighter vajayjay,” breaking taboos of “pubic haircare,” “vajazzling,” how to smell better “down there” and everything else you can imagine that has been stigmatized about a women’s body or her natural functions.
A Positive Tone Will Point You in the Right Direction
Weiss isn’t saying these “sexual wellness” products shouldn’t exist or be pitched at all—she simply wants the language around them to change. Especially if you’re seeking editorial coverage from her.
“If you depict your product or service as addressing a deficit in the reader, as opposed to simply adding something positive to their life, this is more likely to come off shaming,” she explains. “For instance, if you’re pitching, say, a flavored lube, it’s better to focus on the fun of the flavor than the natural scent it may be masking. Or if you’re pitching a sex toy, it’s better to focus on the cool aspects of the technology and how you can get creative with it than to harp on how difficult it is for the female body to orgasm without a vibrator. If you’re promoting a product that assists with arousal, talk about how enjoyable and exciting it is to feel that extra arousal—as opposed to how hard it is for women to get aroused.”
In a similar vein, Weiss is sick of publicists assuming every woman hates body hair.
“I'd recommend focusing on the positives of the product, avoiding shaming language, and sticking to the facts,” she says of razors, lasers, lotions and other hair-removal products. “For instance, you might share what customers have said, what advantages your product has over other hair removal solutions, and what enables it to work that way. Avoid terms like ‘out of control’ or ‘unruly’ to describe body hair.”
Menstruation is another topic Weiss wishes pitches would approach differently.
“I recently received a pitch for a pill that delays your period, saying it would be good for spring break as it'll ‘prevent your period from ruining your plans,’ ” she recalls. “It rubbed me the wrong way, as I don’t see my period as something that ‘ruins plans,’ though some women who follow me on Twitter said they’ve had that experience and would actually want something like that.”
Weiss calls the conversation “very nuanced,” and I must agree. I, personally, hate my period. It’s the one get-out-of-jail-free card I support if someone flakes on plans. I love being a woman, I embrace my femininity to a T, I free the f*** out of my nipple, but—as someone who isn’t in the process of trying to get pregnant, who hates soiled sheets, hates cramps, hates angsty moods and finds tampons to be expensive and inconvenient—I feel like the last couple decades of bloated, blood-ridden days have offered nothing but agony. My period doesn’t make me feel empowered or womanly. It makes me feel gross.
Pitching With Purpose
But at the end of the day, the way a rep pitches the period conversation (or any conversation, for that matter) really comes down to the ‘R’ word (*cough* “research”) that I referenced a few Substacks ago.
“There are media beats that don’t cover sex often, but do have crossover with the sexual wellness space,” explains sex and wellness publicist, Erica Braverman of EB/PR—who began her career as a marketer at leading sex toy manufacturer, Doc Johnson. “The way I pitch a writer who primarily covers sex, is going to be different than an outlet that primarily covers wellness or travel or beauty. Again, it all comes down to staying abreast of what they’re already covering, and being cognizant of their needs. It's a lot of reading and digging online.”
Braverman is no stranger to pitching sexual wellness—something she’s done comfortably since launching her namesake agency in 2011. Repping everything from Lovability’s WaterSlyde aquatic personal massager, to Lorals’ sexy, latex, STI-protection undies for oral, has given her a wide range of experience when it comes to tasteful and informative pitching. WaterSlyde, for example, “is great for not only people who have access to a bath, but also people with physical limitations or disabilities that make it difficult to use their hands for self-pleasure,” she explained to me. “The WaterSlyde is hands-free.”
Braverman has done her digging, and prioritizes pitching no two editors the same.
“I think a lot of people assume you have to be too cheeky when pitching sex toys,” she says. “This is especially important to note when pitching people who have clearly covered sex in any kind of positive way in the past. You don’t have to use phrases like ‘down below—if you know what I mean.’ You don’t need euphemisms. We can use them sparingly if we don’t want to be repetitive, but I’m very cognizant of not insulting people’s intelligence and maturity.”
While Braverman always does her best to take the straightforward approach with pitching (regardless of the topic), she points out that sexual wellness, especially, has unique requirements specific to the category.
“It means more sensitive awareness around what products or angles might come off as gimmicky, or as taking advantage of a trend,” she says. “There’s an importance of tone, and this is in addition to understanding a brand’s specific voice and angles.”
Weiss concurs, noting that she’s not asking for the products being pitched to change. She just wants the messages surrounding them to be more real.
“I don’t blame women who buy products or undergo treatments to increase their self-esteem,” she notes in her book. “I’ve done it myself, and there’s even joy to be found in it. But let’s stop calling it empowerment, and call it what it is: a way to be seen more favorably in a misogynistic, ageist, racist, classist, fatphobic society.”
Speaking of gift guides… no sex toys here, but pitch me all your favorite G-rated finds 😜 I like being super niche and specific (trust me, it works!). Doing two for Forbes:
1. Best Gifts for the Girl Who’s Obsessed With Her Chic Bathroom
Can be literally anything that fits this description. A fancy soap dish, a cute tray, a luxury hand cream, a piece of art, elevated air freshener, a charming houseplant, stunning candle. Not really looking for traditional beauty products here unless it makes sense for whatever reason.
2. Best Day-to-Night Accessories for the Stylish Girl On-the-Go
Pretty self-explanatory - looking for any giftable accessories (jewelry, handbags/clutches, hats, shoes, scarves, etc…) that are appropriate for going from the office, straight to dinner at Olivetta. Note: the word “stylish” doesn’t have to imply expensive (though it can). But I do want to avoid blatantly cheap.
***I encourage pitches regarding either of the above from anyone with a fit, but please, first genuinely ask yourself if you would include the product in question. I’m only including 10 products for each gift guide, so everything needs to count! Let’s think elevated, giftable and maybe (but not limited to) even a little unique ◡̈
ICYMI: I went on a coveted Alo Wellness staycation retreat two weeks ago at the 1 Hotel in West Hollywood. I know, CRAZY! If you’ve ever wondered what that kind of trip is like, I provided the full breakdown.
TikTok: All these years later, I’ve finally started posting PR unboxing videos vs. still IG Stories. The videos are fun, choppy and fast.
Halloween: This is the first year I’m doing/have done literally nothing. I didn’t go out last weekend (unless you count my makeup-free dinner to Hudson House with besties), and I’m not doing anything on Thursday. It feels so nice to just… be. Before the pandemic, there was so much pressure to chase the party and be at the “coolest” event. Who remembers JustJared or Maroon 5? Is the Casamigos party still a thing? See, shows how much I even pay attention anymore. It’s honestly the biggest relief to just not care. I never personally cared about having big plans on Halloween. I cared because I was trying to keep up with certain people. We’ve all been there. ::shrug:: Going to Sofi Tukker with my good friend (and PR girlie) Bianca on Day of the Dead Saturday, so that will suffice as ~witchy~ plans. I’m really excited for that—I can’t believe it’ll be NOVEMBER.
Speaking of November, are you still seeking a signature fall scent for 2024? Now that it’s finally overcast here in LA, I published my guide to layering this season and picking the best scents to do it with. I spent forever on it, and interviewed some incredible renown experts. You’ll love my list of scents, too!
Is there untapped media territory you’d like to dive into next? Shoot me a note and let’s chat!